Jen Shares Some Popular Thoughts and Feelings Shared by Intended Parents

Dear Intended Parents,

Most intended parents are lucky if they know even one other couple in their lives who have experienced surrogacy. So other than the many professionals involved in your journey, you have very little opportunity to talk with folks who have shared a similar experience.

But for someone like me, I’ve talked with hundreds, maybe even thousands, of intended parents and surrogates. So trust me when I tell you, you are not alone. The feelings that you’re having are totally normal. They are OK. In case it helps, here are some popular sentiments from many intended parents that I’ve worked with.

  1. “We’ve been through so much already. We’ve lost pregnancies and we’ve lost hope. We are afraid to hope again that this time will be different.”
  2. Intended Mothers: “I think it’s weird/complicated/confusing that another woman is carrying my baby. I feel like I’ve failed as a wife/woman that I can’t do it myself.”
  3. Intended Fathers: “I don’t know how to think/feel that my baby is being carried by a woman who is not my wife.”
  4. “We don’t know what it’s OK to ask or not ask our surrogate. We crave information about our baby, but we also don’t want to bother her or violate her privacy.”
  5. “It’s a common phrase to hear: “it’s not personal, it’s business.” But a surrogacy journey is both business and deeply personal. We’re not sure how to let it be both.”

I’ll say it one more time: you are not alone. Give yourself permission to have complicated feelings about all of this. Give yourself the grace to feel confused, conflicted, scared, and overwhelmed at the exact same time that you’re also feeling happy, excited, optimistic, and hopeful. After all, that’s pretty much parenthood – in a nutshell.

I hope this helps,


PS — You can always contact us, because, sometimes it takes a village. 

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